Wahhahaahahahahah.......
I've finally bought a flash unit. Yes. Still can't believe I spent 520 bucks in less than 2 mins, without even blinking an eye.

Until now, I still cannot remember all the names of the 290 over students I have. Everyday, I mix up their names and faces AND classes. Totally embarrassing and often totally "shitty". Thanx to my puny brain, I have short-term memory too! Walau...
Then again, they didn't have name tags with them. AND not each and everyone of them told me their names!! That's why I don't know their names.
gosh...
I need brain supplements too.

Went with the sch band to NDP preview today.
I had the luxury of sitting at the grand stand! You know how many security checks I have to go through? walau... but of course, it's for safety reasons. Stupid me didn't stay throughout the show. I left with the band after they had performed in the pre-parade segment. I was alone mah...and I was carrying a tripod, camera, camera bag, and the 2.5 kg heavy NDP goodie bag. The total weight is like a sack of rice lor. gosh...

Why didn't I buy my external flash unit this sat morning? Darn... I cannot tolerate anymore!! I NEED an external flash unit! Augh........can't stand without it.

I, unfortunately, have the tendency to sound very fierce when I raise my voice. BUT I'm honestly not angry!?!!! *pek chek* I spoke louder because I need to get myself heard. That's all. I so happened to have people around me who tends to speak loudly too because they do not have a good sense of hearing. Hence, I have to speak louder otherwise they can't hear properly. Which is also why I don't own an MP3 player because I'm worried that I will end up like them.

Due to the nature of my hobby and my personal fetish to take photos of PEOPLE, I have seen people with all sorts of faces. The GOOD and the BAD. Some people are like what Kaile would describe 'camera whores'. Haha... They literally grab every chance and throw themselves in front of the camera, and have the natural tendency to display a variety of facial expressions. After that, they will pester me to give them the photos. If I don't or forgot, they will keep haunting me until they get what they want.
Then, there's another group of people who are very camera shy. First thing they see the camera is to shun and perhaps even run far far away. Sometimes when I am in the mood for fun, I'll chase after them just to tease them actually. Haha.. I'm evil. BUT this group of people actually LIKE to have photos taken. However, they are so shy and afraid that they will look ugly. That's why they run away. And when they know that their photos have been taken, they will also end up like the first group, pestering me again and again to see and own the photos. haha... this group of people amuses me the most! They really contradict themselves!
Finally, there's another group of people who don't care less. They don't exactly care if you have taken their photos or not. They don't exactly care how they look in the photos. BUT one thing is for sure. NEVER post or let any other people see their photos. If I do, they will definitely kill me. The mild one includes angry stare. The strongly against type will want me to delete the photo straight away.
Of course, there are also people who don't fall in the above broad categories. Some tried to kill my photo with ONE SINGLE STARE. Some gave me the "quick-i'm-very-sian" look, as if I'm torturing them. These are the kind of people I WILL NOT take photos of. EVEN if requested. I may take to avoid any possible embarressment or argument, but I'll delete them straight away too. Darn...you are not the only person in this world. I can jolly well take photos of other people.

Hahahaha..... the conversation at the tagboard amuses me. hahaha
Well, the week is finally over. I must say it isn't a good one.
Mic and I actually celebrated our 5th year anniversary working. Sigh...
I was sick. Got dehydrated. Feed me with water! hahaha
After I got back, alot of things happened in a single day.
Friday is the only day I get to see you guys most. It's the most important reason why I come to school.
Terrible life began yesterday and ended yesterday too. Thank goodness.
I hope for the better.
I hereby swear that I will not get worked up again.
My current idol is mr lee. Why can he sit in the lounge and discuss stocks and stuff with other people? Why is he always smiling? I aim to be like him.

I hate detentions. I HATE DETENTIONS. I hate remedials. I HATE REMEDIALS.

Note: what is written here is only 1 facet of me and there are many facets of me. The words do not represent my entire life. They only represent me at that particular point in time. Neither do I have to make it coherent.

Now and then, I can stare at my laptop for a few minutes, thinking of what my beloved class might be doing. Haha...omg, I can never stop worrying for them.

terrible life begins today.
enuff said.
don't ask.

Rhapsody in blue: you are from 1E2? wah... I thought you are from upper sec?! hahaha...
I am not tooo stressed out lar. Just abit stressed.
I wrote the previous 2 post because my form class has some really "difficult" kids to handle.
Teaching content to students is just a small part of a "cher's" job. This alone requires alot of effort and creative thinking. BUT handling human relationships with/of the kids is another job that requires careful maneuver. Just thinking about it gives me a big headache.
Sigh... ... ...

I'm going to attend my ex-student's wedding tomorrow night. Feeling weird now. Like I'm very old already. Hahaha...

Why can't people understand each other?

I have been very careless recently. Sigh...
I left a stack of reflection booklets on a table and forgot to bring it back to office.
I wonder if I can still get them back. ??
I only realised that I have lost the notebook which I used to record points after a couple of days. I kept thinking that it is either at my table or somewhere at home. Apparently, I'm wrong.
I'm feeling "shitty" right now.
I forgot to mention yesterday that Harlif asked me a question during SS class of which I was rather impressed. I couldn't really answer the question. I doubt anyone has any concrete answer too.
The question: Why can't the Protestants and the Catholics understand each other? Just like us? Singapore used to have problems too, but look at us now?
And he goes on to bombard me with even more questions. I was really happy. It shows that he has been listening to me and that he is thinking.
As much as I worry about them not knowing to answer exam questions, I really hope that they become responsible citizens who cares about the greater good of the world. This is what I really want to impart during SS. Not exam skills only.
So, why can't the question be answered?
let me throw you back some questions to ponder about:
Why can't the terrorists understand that their bombings will kill many innocent people and their problem will still not be solved?
Why can't some parents accept their child adopting another religion that is different from theirs?
Why are there prejudice in this world?
Why can't students understand that it is NOT a "cher's" job to make students miserable?

When can we find answers to the above questions?
When you find the answers, perhaps that is the time when you can answer the Northern Ireland question.

Hey ple, thanx for the concern over at the tagboard! Miss you guys and gals.
I didn't blog yesterday because I was too tired. On top of that, I wasn't really in a good mood to do anything. It hasn't been good for me both yesterday and today.
All along, I think I have been quite lax with the noise level in my classes. Sometimes, when I walked past other classes who were quietly doing work, I will feel quite ashamed about myself.
But I didn't think it's good to have a totally quiet environment, unless it's a test or exam. Two-way communication should take place. I also think it's quite ridiculous to expect the young and energetic ones to keep their mouth shut for more than 30 minutes. Mission Impossible!!
Unfortunately, they start to get wilder and even laugh for some time over SILLY things. DUHHH... So I gave one of my classes a "lecture" yesterday. I talked to them until my heart ached. Sigh.... why can't you understand?? When I returned to office, Mavis asked if I "scolded" them. I was surprised. She said she could hear me from the OPPOSITE BLOCK! Hahaha....looks like my "power" has increased! I thought my voice can only fill up one corridor. Now, it can reach 2 corridors!!! Amazing...
And today, I scolded my best class. Eh, no no, someone in particular actually. The impact was rather disheartening but I couldn't take the noise level anymore. Skandan onced asked me if I find the noise level getting higher. I actually told him at that point in time that I thought it was ok because I don't want a stifled and restricted environment. Today, it was not ok. Sigh...
My other class is giving other ple a big headache. Sigh... Why???

Everyday, I ask myself alot of questions.

WHY?
Why can't you understand that you are in a school?
Why can't you understand that rules will not change because of you alone?
Why can't you understand that the society will not change because of you alone?
Why can't you at least fulfill the bare minimum and patronise me for a while?
Why don't you make this little effort and we can all have a peaceful and carefree life?
Why don't you make a little bit of sacrifice or restraint for the good of others?
Why don't you open your heart to allow other ple to care for you?
Why do you "happened" to do things that causes trouble to others?
If you copy, can you PLEASE don't tell me or let me see it?
Why don't you make better use of your time?
Why don't you start planning what you WANT to do when you don't have to study anymore?
Why don't you start learning how to be a good employee/employer?
Do you really think your customers can understand that it's your character to behave like this and they will forgive you?
Do you think your future boss will understand that you have to sleep more than other ple so you are allowed to start work later than other staff? (but still end at the same time)
Why must you make my life miserable?

I am so careless! I left my work in the office!! I've not completed it and I need it badly tomorrow morning!!!! Aughhhhhhhhhhhhh
Angry with myself.

いま、会いにゆきます

I've finally watched the jap movie "Be with you". Excellent show. Very touching indeed.
Actually, I wasn't "supposed" to watch vcd on a weekday. Lots of work to do!
But I needed a break. I've never felt so calm and at ease on a weekday before. Seems that my lessons for the next few days are almost prepared. It's like a great sigh of relief.
Of course, this is short-lived. After today, I'll have tonnes of marking to do.

Attended a counselling course this afternoon. As I sat on the chair, hearing what the counsellors have prepared for us "chers", I suddenly remembered why I joined teaching. The effort, enthusiasm and passion they have for the children is a mirror for myself. Have I set out and achieved what I want to do? Or am I lost in the midst of pursuit?
Don't forget your purpose, my dear. Don't forget what you hope to do.
It's been a long time and I'm still making mistakes everyday. As I walked out, I wondered what I could have done to turn the situation around. I wondered if I have said anything wrong. I wondered how many new names I can remember today.
Hahaha... I need constant feedback and reassurance too.
So far, life is getting better but I am still not contented. I think a short break from routine is good. It allows me time for reflection before I continue. I hope for more improvement.

Today, I made a conscious effort to stop myself from walking around. I really did. Haha...

New shoes

Wahahaha...went shopping today.
bought myself a pair of sports shoes.
The unique thing about it is that it is bright green and yellow!! Yoohooo!!
I decided that I want to move away from the conservative colours. Actually, I saw another pair of brown and pink at Filla. Really nice and cheaper too. But the green and yellow one is just too STUNNING! haha...
Love it love it love it
Yippee!

Reflections

I'm more or less settled in the new environment. Finally. Things are starting to work and go smoothly. I've also gotten my working lappie for lesson planning and photography stuff. Heng ah...it has finally arrived.
Lessons learnt and what to do:
I must talk SLOWER.
I should write down what I say on the board so that they can catch up with me.
I must remember to print my papers EARLY.
I cannot assume that they will do what I told them to do, even if they are smart.
I should smile more often.
I must not hurry.
I should improve on my handwriting.
I should be more organised on the whiteboard.
I must remember to teach them how to write a mind map.
I must finalise things with the photographer asap.
hmmm... what else?
[edit: I bought work and lappie home. End up I did nothing at all. Haha... guess I might as well sleep early today. Current fav song is Forever Love.]

What is your name?

I am very ashamed to say that I've not been able to match all the names of my approximately 290 new students with the correct faces. Pardon me, I am still learning. And it takes some time.
"What is your name?" is a common question I ask everyday. It is such a simple and direct question but the variety of answers I get really surprises me.
It seems that some complicated thoughts will go through their minds upon hearing my question. After pausing to think, they will usually answer me with another question or someone else's name.
Most of the time, I ask the question because I want to know you. Sometimes, I ask the question because I want to award you points. Honestly, it is not something bad. However, most kids are very hesistant. Some even looked afraid. omg... As if I am going to report them for having done something wrong. Duh....?! This is the case for most students, irregardless of their academic results.
Sometimes, things can be very simple. Don't try too hard to step into the really complicated adult world. You are not there yet, and there's no need to be there.

Hmm.. haven't been posting photos for a long time I think. Here's a look at the current state of disaster on my table. My small little space is forever filled with papers and books.  

Sunday

Sigh... I spent my entire Sunday at home, planning lessons for next week.
Did some reflections and I really want to move away from powerpoint presentations and teacher talk too. I have thought of new plans. Don't know if they will work.
I wish I can find back that drive and creativity when I was teaching English.
I've finally created a site for my deyi photography group. It's not my blog, so don't worry I will carry on here. That is particularly for my cca.
If you have friends in deyi, perhaps you may be interested to visit.
Xinyi, I've got photos of your sister. Will post there soon.
[edit: I am currently having problems with my msn. There is some error which prevents it from running. Waiting for brother to help me fix it]

Eventful day

Just came back from Metier 6 and a night of talk with Shujun and Kaile. I so missed them!!! We sat at Mac till 11.30 before we finally decided to leave the place. Pity Ian didn't come today. The performance was great! The first 2 pieces are my favourites! Tonight's also the first night when I heard the students sang our school song loud and clear. Oh my.... I was so shocked. hahaha... The Chong Boon spirit was high tonight. Great job done CBSS band!
Met many of my ex-padawans there of course! So good to see them again. Caiyi was tearing when I gave her the printed copy of my Faces of Chong Boon 2006 photo project. Aiyoh...my heart pains when I see her cry. She said she was touched and the same goes to me.
Thank you guys and girls for the kind messages on the tagboard and to me personally. Really appreciated.
Today's a really busy day. Started school early in the morning and was followed by the Excel Fest. As usual, I was in charged of taking photos. It seems like quite a number of teachers like to take photos too. Ah....that's good news to hear. Meaning I can relax abit. Haha... I'm not eating snake. Seriously, I will get tired too. Also, it's not the camera that matters alot. Point-and-shoot cameras can also produce good photos. The issue is the photographer.
I also attended a short course on Socratic Dialogue this afternoon. The speaker is quite amazing. I should try to implement what I've learned in my classes too. Due to my course, I only managed to dash back home at about 5.45pm. In order to be punctual for Metier 6, I showered and changed within half an hour. Didn't even have time for dinner. Just literally swallowed a small pack of cereals and dashed out of house to get a cab. Had to book one because none came by. Luckily, I made it in time. Phew... now is 1 plus in the night. Really tired. Tmrw's another long day. It's the Excel Fest as well as our open house. Marking not done. Work not prepared. Graduation gown not collected. Haha.. watch me die on Sunday. So many things undone!

Stressed

Sigh... met up with my ex-sec2 padawans recently at the Chong Boon Mac and the first thing I heard from Dennis is that I look like an auntie!! Augh........
Stress mah... that's why. Currently in a bad state. Pimple outbreak. Disgusting man!
Slept at 2am last night so I turned up to work wearing specs. Wan Eng asked why I'm so black-faced today. No dear, I am not angry. I am just half-dead only. Plus, all the sec 3s are on the 4th level. I have to climb up and down for all my classes. omg... and the freaking weather is so HOT. By the end of the day, I'm just left with my final breath.
Showed korean movie to an SS class today. Quite well received. Unfortunately, due to some delay, we didn't manage to finish the movie, discussion and worksheets.
Lots of incidents happened and nothing seems to go smoothly for me yet.
I am just totally exhausted. I wish to have more time to breathe free.

The past week

Hahaha... the conversation over at the tagboard is so interesting. I'm amused.
Whatever is going on there isn't going to affect my decision to support my beloved kids. I've already promised them that I am going, so I WILL go. It's a great chance for me to meet up with my ex-padawans. Of course I will turn up.

The past week has been overwhelming, challenging and tiring. I've got so many things to do!!!
We are still at Northern Ireland and Market Gardening! omg... lotsa catching up to do. *faints*
A lot of events have taken place and more are coming up. The leadership handover ceremony on friday saw the stepping down of the sec4 leaders. The sec3s are taking over! Quite a number are my students, I think. [ I'm still trying very hard to remember all my students' names and faces.] Took lotsa photos that day.

Finally met up with my CCA ple. Quite disheartening. I can only think of a chinese proverb to describe 一盘散沙. A definite far cry from the band I've been mixing around with. It seems that my CCA is akin to a dumping ground too. Interest level is not that strong. Can't believe I said that myself. Going to have a lot of work to do to bring up the standards and morale.

[I think I've done something that I shouldn't have done. I'm really regreting it now. The feeling is probably going to stay with me for quite some time. Sigh... time to reflect and think of ways to savage the situation. ]

Saturday was a big event. I was honoured to cover the SYF at the national stadium. Went to sch early in the morning to meet WL. Wanted to make use of the training session at YCK stadium to let her try on the SLR. Unfortunately, things didn't go the way I thought.
Oh man... I really miss caiyi and wenwhui. My ex-padawans are so good.

Followed the band to the stadium. Lotsa of kids there. The primary and kindergarten kids are sooooo cute! By the time I got in to the seats, TKSS has already taken the centre portion. Sigh... Mine is actually not that bad lar. It so happened that I can see the PM from my seat. Unfortunately, I'm quite short too. My vision was frequently blocked by other people. Darn... This is seriously disturbing because unwanted people kept appearing in front of my cam! Some important shots could have been better, if not for an idiot's head. Augh..........!!!

The SYF was a good show. I could have enjoyed it more if not for the weather, the people who stood in front of my cam and the failure to get the top band of the year award. TK got it. We got the best drum major though. Oh man, he's really cool. The kids really did their best and my heart beats with them. Before the announcement of the results, I was so scared. I cheered loud for them while taking photos. Haha... imagine that. I recalled one of the colour guards told the rest of them on the bus to the stadium to put in their very best in the show. She said, "Losing is not the worst feeling. Regret is." Well said man. I was impressed and I totally agreed.
The kids cried at the end of the show. Mostly girls, but I saw watery eyes in the guys as well. You may say that the higher your hopes, the greater your disappointment. However, as long as you've put in your best, does it really matter if you win the competition? What is gained along the journey is more worthwhile. The trophy is just a one-time accomplishment. The perspiration, determination, team spirits and bond makes you an even better person. If you didn't try at all, then I pity you. If you didn't have any hopes at all, I pity you too.
In my eyes, DYSS display band is the best.